The Comeback

So it’s Spring Break. I suppose I could be on some overcrowded beach along the coastline, screaming “TITTIES!!” and getting shithoused; goading some inebriated coed(s) into compromising their morals and lowering their standards. However, I’ve elected to forgo such activities—and tanning my upper thighs—in favor of Morehead.  

Anyhow, without further ado, I would like to welcome myself back into the blogosphere. I’m approaching a five-year hiatus. I didn’t miss it. Fuck the blogosphere and specifically those fucking bloggers who, while engaged in face-to-face interactions, make throaty quips about their blogging some arcane topic or introducing some novel viewpoint that ‘most people’ are unaware of or unable to understand. GO MILK A COW WITH YOUR MOUTH. Furthermore, I’m sure no one experienced a pronounced longing for my wares, the product of a distorted perspective that is, of course, fueled by my first-world notions of entitlement. However, the reader interested in familiarizing themselves with my vainglorious and misogynistic writing is directed to the earlier incarnation of the blog.

So, how about Facebook and flirting?

Several months ago, actually nearly a year now, a friend of mine (who, mitigating circumstances aside, could totally get it) informed me that Facebook is a lucrative vehicle for mate selection. That is, several of her female friends had been courted using the popular social networking service. Now my friend, she is the same age and was in high school during the same epoch as I. However, to me, the act of pursuing a mate via Facebook is, at least ostensibly, borderline stalker behavior; though I cannot deny engaging in quasi-flirtatious behavior on Facebook—as both initiator and receptor. 

Familiar with my innate obliviousness for many of the processes that govern social convention and sensing my curiosity, she helped me probe deeper.^twss T he process operates on the premise that, the suitor ought to have had even the most limited of face-to-face contact with the target mate (e.g., “saw you at a bar once”). Pursuant on this, a suitor could simply send the target a private message (PM) on FB. I’m dumbfounded; this is considered an acceptable catalyst for continued correspondence. I was advised that employing this method, the PM, as an initial approach is superior to contacting the target via the ‘live’ chat feature. This is because, unbeknownst to me, many females are often bombarded with requests to chat upon logging-in and many will disable that feature. She described other parameters of these courtship displays which exceed the scope of the current text. 

Why is this relevant today?

Since moving to Eastern KY, I have noticed that there is, amongst female eligibles, a sheer paucity of posterior. Anyhow, I ventured into the marketplace today, here in tiny Morehead, KY and happened upon an esthetically pleasing young woman with inklings of donk. It could have been her pants; I could be losing my skills. Regardless, I do not recall having seen her in this location or anywhere else about town. She was smiling and was generally amicable during the course of our interaction. I caught her name, and the absence of any child-soldier-sacrifice-studded finger-pendant signifying everlasting commitment. However, other patrons swayed, waiting as I completed my transaction and I exited without securing any further details about her. 

Now, I could have, yes, inquired about her relationship status and/or acquired contact info while waiting on line. However, in my view, that would be an unfair proposition because she is at her place of business; that is, she is focused on the duties of her post. Thus, I would stick her in the uncomfortable place of having to judge my character from and make a hasty decision based upon our brief interaction. While there is that annoying fucking adage “all’s fair in love and war”, in all fairness, I would prefer she had the opportunity to make a sound assessment of the pertinent factors before proceeding.

Okay. So back to Facebook. I believe that courting via FB is stalkery but, waiting outside someone’s place of employment is on some next-level, Richard-Ramirez-but-not-a-killer ass-crazy. Which I could have done, or I could have simply reentered the marketplace and made an attempt at simple discourse but, the aforesaid complications remain. Thus, I thought “why the fuck not look this broad up on Facebook,” and I did just that. 

The last time I used the Facebook people-search feature was a little less than a year ago. I searched for a female who is just ridiculously attractive and her intelligence is proportionate to her absurdly serious rear. I had not seen her in ages and, like a COMPLETE IDIOT, I declined to pursue a conversation upon seeing here while I was at work. Anywho, finding her was easy, perhaps because we have like 70-something mutual FB friends. 

However, today, when I tried to look up the girl from the market, I could only find like 12 females by her name attending or living near the University—a common white-girl name. So I tried some other variables to no avail. I even searched from some of the undergrads I deal with but am not FB friends with and also, was unable to find them. 

FUCK

Not about the female from the market though. She’s a fleeting desire that passed before writing half of this text. I’m hoping that my inability to find her or anyone else is the result of improved privacy restrictions FB has implemented. Otherwise, all of my well-honed research skills must be relearned. Ultimately though, I’ve reconciled that my little 17-minute experiment, based on some conversation I had a year ago, was pointless. I had no interest in and was frankly confused by the idea of FB courtship.

Yes. This was the woefully unremarkable reemergence of my blog, I Deux What I Want. Soon to follow will be a number of fun topics such as Personality is Not Unique to Humans: Dogs can be Bitches Too and Why Date of Birth Matters but Astrology Doesn’t. So be on the lookout for those and others. Oh, and this fox knows all